If this were a truly honest world, this companion release to DreamWorks’ latest rip-roaring animated hit would be titled Cash-In Panda: Slightly Cheaper Than a Babysitter. At a mere twenty-four minute minutes padded by some paper thin extras, serious questions must surely be raised as to why this supplemental tosh wasn’t simply included with the original feature.

Borrowing a little bit from Ah-nuld abomination Kindergarten Cop, Kung-Fu Panda: Secrets of the Furious Five finds the world’s most lethargic martial artist, Po (voiced by Jack Black) tasked by Myagi stand-in Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) to serve as teacher to a class of tiny tot bunnies. Terrified and overwhelmed, Po snaps the little buggers to attention and has them sit Indian style while he regales them with origin stories for the Furious Five, with each one serving as something of an Aesop’s fable to the nippers.

Mantis is always in too much of a rush and is impatient with the world to catch up. Asked to dispatch a meddlesome gang of gators he rushes off too quickly for anyone to warn him of the traps that lie in wait and so is captured. Only when he learns to sit still and play dead is he able to escape his cell and defeat them.

Lesson: sit still!

Click here to read the full review at JustPressPlay.net.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 2nd, 2009 at 6:14 pm and is filed under Animation, Feature Films, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.